I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
