Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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