I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
