Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
