Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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