I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
