Already got asked if we're dating
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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