I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
