YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
