And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
