I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
No subtext here. People are naked.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
