No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I have aggressive nipples.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
