'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
