peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He passed out mid-signature
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
