I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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