can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
