where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
