well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
