four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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