new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
