Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
