i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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