bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
