So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Shame - the story of my life.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
