I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
