didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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