Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
