There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
