Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
