Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
