I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
