im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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