I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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