I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
