Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
