Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Randomize
