i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
