oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
