also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
