im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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