HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
