it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
