yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
