You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
