she was so not down for the gang bang
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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