you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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