I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
