You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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