so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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