I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
